Customer Service
I’m sure we’ve all worked a job in customer service or retail at some point during our ascensions to the top. Pretty much entry-level stuff suitable for someone on break from school, picking up extra money while in school, or retired but still wanting to keep busy. None of these positions, save for upper-management in retail companies, offer wages that can sustain a comfortable lifestyle that doesn’t require one dine on instant ramen exclusively every day. Owning a vehicle alone makes it impossible to survive on such measly wages as the ones offered by most corporations at the entry-level nowadays. Yet it seems that these companies expect and sometimes require unrealistic levels of dedication from their workers under uncomfortable and even degrading working conditions. Nothing makes you feel like a peasant in a third-world, communist dictatorship like having to put on a cheap, uncomfortable uniform every day and go into a job that offers little compensation for simple physical work, but tremendous mental strain.
Ever out and about in a department store or family restaurant? Sometimes you’ll notice the signs on the wall that say “Now Hiring” and see that they have “requirements” listed such as “excellent customer service skills” and look for prospective workers that are “always smiling” and such. We all know how to doll up our resumés by making our previous work experience there in the beginning sound more special than it really is, and it seems like job listings anymore are done the same way. If you look at the requirements or duties listed for these kind of customer service jobs they are always full of buzz words and phrases that target people who are all pumped up on life and want to do a cartwheel out of bed every morning. These people are out there, though I’m evidently not one of them. But how much is their time really worth? $8 an hour or so here in Pennsylvania? that’s usually where they start. Sure, if you’re some college kid living rent-free and going to Beer Bong University on your parents’ dime you should be pretty happy. Because after all, you have no real responsibilities yet, aside from doing your homework half-assed and at the last minute to prove to your instructors that one out of 100 of the students in one of their classes can memorize meaningless details. So these people should be happy just having some extra money on top of the beer and stripper allowance they get from their parents. The rest of us, however, who actually have real-life, adult responsibilities and are faced with important decisions every day can’t be expected to go into lobotomy mode and sport an incessant grin through 8 hours of nonsense and practical slave labor.
As if the expectation of idealized dedication and productivity doesn’t near unrealistic enough on its own most of these positions require that embarrassing buzz phrases be memorized and repeated endlessly along with wearing the same cheesy uniform daily. The psychology of a uniform is easily understood when looking at any military around the world; the idea is to make everyone feel like an equal member of a team, a brotherhood, a movement. The shaving of hair for new recruits instills the hive mentality and coupling with the “sir yes sir” and expected enthusiasm for doing push-ups designs a new team member that is broken down to the basic level of humanity and ready for reprogramming so they can live and breathe the credo of their new tribe. Wearing the same thing every single day and repeating the same words and phrases over and over is emotionally draining for some people. Ever wonder why there are no more great inventors? Sure, scientists and doctors make some big breakthroughs in their fields, but unless you’re a rabid quantum physics fan who drools over findings from CERN and has a poster of the Large Hadron Collider on your wall you don’t have your attention grabbed frequently with new advancements of the human race. Maybe the present-day Tesla or Edison had his inventive ideas suppressed by asking “would you like fries with that?” saying “my pleasure” or “welcome to Walmart” more often in a day than he blinked or took a breath. Sure, this kind of work isn’t normally physically taxing, unless you’re department is shipping and receiving or the like in a large retail store, but doing mindless monkey work for 8 hours takes a toll on one’s emotional state. Not only that, but looking at oneself in the mirror every day before work and looking exactly the same and feeling out of place and uncomfortable just to be “in uniform” is like a capitalist, passive form of torture. Sure, military service or law enforcement is a respectable career choice that requires a uniform, but you know where else one is required? Prison.
So we’ve got the who, the what, the where, and the when. But why? Why is it that in order to start off in the working world you’ve got to be willing to whore yourself out to a McBurger or Taco King for insultingly low compensation? Well, the compensation is going to be low for one simple reason: the products these type of companies sell aren’t ridiculously expensive, most of the time (save for a medium- to high-end department store like Macy’s). The company, one would hope, pays its entry-level workers what it can afford factoring in revenues, overhead, labor laws, and the amount of people on payroll. Though, more realistically, those are factored in along with a few cuts here and there so the board of officers can get a hefty bonus every once in a while. Also, anymore companies will load their staffs with as many workers as possible to ensure that no one associate works enough hours to be eligible for benefits or receive over-time. These types of jobs don’t require any extensive education either, so for that reason as well the pay isn’t going to be that great. So fine, one doesn’t expect to make their first million and be on the cover of Forbes from their illustrious year at the local fast-foodery. But given the low prestige and pay of these kind of jobs, why can’t the employers give the workers a little slack and go easy on the mind-numbing rigmorale? Well, branding and recognition are important, so saying the same things over and over that the competitors may not can make your company stand out and stick in people’s minds. But, it’s a given that people are going to get sick of being parrots. When it comes to the uniform, the only circumstance under which a uniform is important is when employees can be in more than one spot while at work. If you’re moving around throughout a site or store and someone should need assistance it’s important that you’re noticeable. However, if you’re behind a register or at an exclusive desk it’s already pretty much a given that you’re an employee.
So that being established, why would these things seem so important to employers? Why do they want to be recognized? Why do they want all of their workers to look like inmates instead of the people who ensure their continued success? Because they think it all “looks good.” To them, the idea of machine-like worker bees that all look and talk alike seems “professional” and they believe that it somehow makes for a better “customer service experience.” I don’t know about any of you, but as a “customer” when I’m out and about shopping it doesn’t matter worth a damn to me if the toddler serving me my McWhopper with cheese-like-gelatin says “welcome to Walmart” or not. So long as she doesn’t spit in my face or address me with a racial slur I’m going to be fairly satisfied. Nor do I care if she’s wearing a company polo that’s five sizes too big or if her male counterpart is wearing dress slacks that aren’t hemmed with a rhinestone belt from the Gene Simmons collection. Sure, every company has to have uniform standards; slacks and a button-down shirt for men, conservative skirt and blouse for women, the usual business looking attire, or if the job isn’t that serious or would be one in which you’d stain your clothes easily, a uniform could be worn. I’d rather see someone abiding by clothing guidelines with some sense of freedom or wearing a uniform by choice than someone who is uncomfortable in their own skin and miserable because they’re forced to look like they’re on the chain gang.
My endgame here is this: in my experience, a happy worker is a productive worker. You can’t expect samurai-like dedication from your workers if you treat them like serfs, pay them peanuts, and make them look like idiots in front of everyone they encounter. The bottom line is that customers and clients don’t tend to give a shit if the people helping them all look alike. So long as they don’t smell and are wearing clean clothes and do their job correctly it shouldn’t matter if they’re wearing ten articles with the company logo on them, because chances are if you’re at a Burger Bell looking a cashier in the face from over the counter ordering your La Cucaracha Burger you know you’re in a Burger Bell already, and if you don’t you don’t need a burger, you need an MRI. I’d honestly rather be asked “paper or plastic” by a fanny bandit wearing a full-on skater outfit than a polo shirt with a lame-ass graphic print on it with a clip on tie (no foolin’, I did see that once). Focus on the real issues, corporate goons. Like the fact that almost half the population of this country doesn’t make enough money to cover the basic essentials. Ease up on the buzz words and ugly baseball caps and don’t make your workers want to asphyxiate themselves with the paper or plastic, it’ll make them a little happier while on the job and make your customers happier that they are dealing with a human instead of a machine.
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